Words left unspoken.
There is a long list of words best left unspoken. Some are illegal to say, some deal with religon or custom. Some are personal. For example...
October 25, 2010 Entry #45
It's been a long time since I remember dreaming about Aunt Helen and Grandmother. Probably when I was in the army. There were variations on two themes. In the first one I would come home to 422 and no one would be living there. In the second version Aunt Helen and Grandmother would be sitting there, but had no money. The house was clean but in bad shape. There was little food in the house. I don't remember their reactions to me or mine to them.
Last night the dream was a whopper. There are gaps and inconsistencies in the dream, but it went something like this: Devan began by telling me he had gone out of town (Grayville?) to help Grandmother with some trouble she had with the police. The police stopped them because the driver was driving erratically. It's not clear to me who was driving, but Grandmother got a ticket for not wearing a seat belt and then got taken to the police station for packing heat. Devan fixed everything (but didn't get the gun back).
Later Aunt Helen and I went to pick up Devan and Grandmother at a nice house. I wondered where Grandmother had gotten the fancy convertible, but it turned out to be an airplane car. As Aunt Helen drove down the street and took off I wondered if she really knew how to fly the airplane.
I wasn't amazed by any of this, just surprised.
The landing strip was small and we had been warned to be careful. Aunt Helen missed the runway and landed on the road running parallel to the runway. We barely missed landing on a couple of cars, but someone finally let us in.
We then drove to this nice house and picked up Grandmother and Devan. As we were leaving a bunch of people came to have a party. We hurried out the back door and jumped into the car/plane. Grandmother drove to the road and took off and we headed home.
What do you think my shrink would make of that?
October 23, 2010 Entry #44
Sent: Friday, September 17, 2010 1:08 PM
To: Nicholas Dalrymple
Subject: Re: Fw: Posting of painting and photo
Everything that we are doing now is to get the shows that are opening on November 11th completed and after that we will be returning to the
maintenance issues that plague our very old website. Thank you for your patience.
> Do you have any idea when the web page will be updated? I don't know
> why this is becoming so important to me and I obsess over it.
> Nick Dalrymple
> From: "email@example.com" <firstname.lastname@example.org>
> To: Nicholas Dalrymple <email@example.com>
> Sent: Wed, August 18, 2010 7:22:32 AM
> Subject: Re: Fw: Posting of painting and photo
> Do not be concerned, we are re designing the website constantly so
> that it will function better. You will be up again soon, again and better!
> Thank you for your patience.
> Ted Stanuga
> gm nvvam
>> What happened? I was listed in the artist's section of your web page
>> and wrote you the following email and then another and now even my
>> name is removed. I know this is important to no one but me, but what
>> happened. I know you have a limited budget, but could you please reply?
>> --- On Wed, 8/11/10, Nicholas Dalrymple <firstname.lastname@example.org>
>> From: Nicholas Dalrymple <email@example.com>
>> Subject: Posting of painting and photo
>> To: firstname.lastname@example.org, email@example.com, firstname.lastname@example.org
>> Date: Wednesday, August 11, 2010, 5:11 AM
>> Dear National Vietnam Veterans Art Museum persons,
>> I hope you can post a picture of my painting "Gas, Food, Lodging, and Fire Support" and of my two photographs, "Fading Memories of Dragon
>> Mountain" and "Visiting Old Friends" on your web page where my name is, along with the other artists.
>> I signed off and sent an artist's statement with my painting many
>> years ago. "Fading Memories of Dragon Mountain" is a photo I sent a
>> few years ago, but received no acknowledgment. Attached is a copy.
>> You may have full rights to the photo. It depicts my inability to
>> recall events from 1969 with clarity.
>> "Visiting Old Friends" is a recent photo. It won an award in the
>> Champaign/Urbana Amateur Photo Contest two years ago. This photo is
>> attached to my next email.
>> I appreciate the tremendous amount of work that must be done to keep
>> the site and museum active. For me this is the only place that
>> recognizes the emotions of those that served in Vietnam.
>> It would mean much to me if these three items could be posted.
>> Nick Dalrymple
>> Former Specialist 5th class, ASA
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October 21, 2010 Entry #43
Have you ever walked down the street trying NOT to make a decision about which way to turn at the next corner and then somehow turning? I spend the next half block trying to decide why I turned that way. Then I begin to say to myself "Don't turn left at the next corner. Don't turn left at the next corner." And then when I get to the next corner I turn left just to surprise myself.
I think most of the decisions I make are done this way. It doesn’t mean the decision was "good" or "bad" just that I'm never sure why I make the decision.
I have cultivated a "dumb stare" over the years. It is used when someone asks me why I did something. After an embarrassing long pause I ask, "What?" and then if the question is repeated I have to make up an answer for why I did it. I used this often with my last boss.*
*See discussions on “The Road Not Taken. Frost, Robert. 1920.”