When Viking pirates landed in Scotland in 867 AD, Mother Superior of the monastery of Coldingham gathered her nuns together and urged them to disfigure themselves so they might be unappealing to the Vikings. In this way, they hoped to protect their chastity. She demonstrated this by cutting off her nose and the nuns proceeded to do the same. Thinking that might not do, they then cut off their upper lips. It worked and their chastity was protected. Unfortunately, the Viking raiders were so disgusted they burned the entire building to the ground. Just think, the Dalrymples might be related to those Vikings.
“So it goes.”
Last week I was “teaching” a high school Spanish class. The room was very bare and neat. After looking around I told the class I couldn’t believe the regular teacher didn’t even have any candy.
“Oh yes, she keeps it in the bottom file cabinet drawer.”
I opened the drawer and there it was, a real treasure, half full of Skittles and half full of Kit Kat Bars. “Yes! What do you want, Skittles or a Kit Kat Bar?”
“Oh no, those are saved for the good boys and girls.”
I told them they were the best boys and girls I ever taught so they could have one.
“Oh no, those are only for Friday’s raffle for the boys and girls that have been good all week.”
I ate a Kit Kat Bar and heard them gasp. I wasn’t likely going to be there Friday.
I told them not to worry, I would take the heat, so when the vice-principal called me in his office to give me a pious ass chewing about how he never would have taken a Kit Kat Bar and the teacher had paid for those with her own money; I took it like a man, apologized, wrote the teacher a note of apology and bought her a new bag of Kit Kats.
I was stunned to get a formal letter of reprimand from the central office (three and you’re out) but I did what any real man would have done. The next day I “taught” detention hall at the middle school and for the first time, I was mean to the children. I was taking my frustration for the reprimand out on them. That night I quit.
I already miss them. “So it goes.”